tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38477277174561003502024-03-05T02:39:51.830-05:00Between The ShadesBecause This Is Who I Am and life is not black and white and whether we like it or not, we do live between the shades...This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-19621370163352814272010-10-09T21:58:00.009-04:002010-10-09T22:07:25.788-04:00Now I've Done It!I finally created my mami site! If you follow me here, head on over and check out my blog. Enjoy!<br /><br /><center><a href="http://MyMamihood.com"><img src="http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a134/MzSili/Mamihood/MyMamihood_Small.jpg" border="0" alt="My Mamihood Small"></a></center>This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-65943420445903082562010-09-10T20:36:00.003-04:002010-09-10T21:09:29.125-04:00What Cancer Cannot Do...<span style="font-style:italic;">Cancer is so limited...<br />It cannot cripple love.<br />It cannot shatter hope.<br />It cannot corrode faith.<br />It cannot eat away peace.<br />It cannot destroy confidence.<br />It cannot kill friendship.<br />It cannot shut out memories.<br />It cannot silence courage.<br />It cannot reduce eternal life.<br />It cannot quench the Spirit.<br />- Unknown</span><br /><br />My mother was diagnosed with bile duct cancer on April 6, 2010. I think this is the first time I've written about it here. There are so many thoughts and feelings with the diagnosis and the subsequent flurry of activity that takes place. I signed up for my Relay for Life event today and I realized that 1. I don't blog enough and 2. I need to talk about this.<br /><br />I am not sure what to say right now. I am heartbroken after hearing someone that I've been praying for has passed and it seems as if every day I am hearing about someone who is diagnosed. I have little words. But I hold fast to the poem above and pray that we soon find a cure.<br /><br />Here's our Relay for Life page:<br />http://main.acsevents.org/goto/ILoveElenaThis Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-60747803587303161762010-05-07T23:06:00.001-04:002010-05-07T23:08:32.396-04:00Girl Child Vol II<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiwsDKmOXakRUJHM1QPRpSxLRZCMwHe5tQal6Z6s3RDEH_zyepcmn6boIPFRTVzRCalTaTdEvYb-85KDL7zEB0N1iX40MFXVGhmP72RS5PtJKoDVl82taKAfwMmCfTeoqQzmdGIbDvs_Lg/s1600/seb_easter057.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 143px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiwsDKmOXakRUJHM1QPRpSxLRZCMwHe5tQal6Z6s3RDEH_zyepcmn6boIPFRTVzRCalTaTdEvYb-85KDL7zEB0N1iX40MFXVGhmP72RS5PtJKoDVl82taKAfwMmCfTeoqQzmdGIbDvs_Lg/s200/seb_easter057.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5468730709317424818" /></a><br /><br />I am there when you open your eyes in the morning and you smile. It does not matter if you are sick, hungry or wet. You smile. And my heart sings. You look at me with a sparkle in your eyes that I’ve never seen in another. I feel blessed and humbled at once to be known as your mother. And you are my girl child.<br /><br />You wrap your tiny arm around my neck and softly nuzzle your face when I put you on my shoulder. My heart aches to think that you may not do this one day when you’re older. If I sit you on my lap you look up to me and press your hand to my face. Your love is in your tiny hand sending currents so strong, I have to stand still, in place. I am your mother. There is no other. And you are my girl child.<br /><br />At times I lean in to you and give you kisses on that special place on your neck and I hear a sound that I cannot describe. Laughter and squeals of joy and happiness that seem like they won’t subside. I am your mother. There is no other. And you are my girl child. <br /><br />We play together, laugh out loud. With every new milestone you make me proud. We cuddle and snuggle until its time for bed. Then it’s time to pick which book will be read. You wiggle in anticipation and can’t wait to help me out. Turning the pages and wiggling about. I hold you in my arms, look in your eyes and pray. You fall asleep listening to the praises I say. I am your mother. There is no other. And you are my girl child. <br /><br />I know when you are tired, hungry or wet. Is it really possible that we’d never met? I can comfort you with the sound of my voice and a soft lullaby. And I know the difference of each and every cry. I am your mother. There is no other. And you are my girl child.<br /><br />You act like there is magic in my touch. How is it that I can love you so much? To you my voice is sweet and soft though I know I can’t sing. It’s amazing the happiness that you bring. There’s always a production while we make it through the days. With each passing moment I memorize your ways. Each smile, each frown, each look of sweet concern. If you’re sad, hurt or fussy, all this I can discern. God has not yet made words that can describe the way I feel. But I’m so glad His promises have surely become real. You are special beyond words. Loved above any other. I can say without a doubt I’m blessed to be a mother. And you? You are my girl child sent to brighten up this place. With a twinkle in your eye or a smile upon your face.<br /><br />© 2010This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-38121113558406102112009-10-22T00:08:00.000-04:002009-10-22T00:09:12.397-04:00He Is...…the mouth I long to kiss<br />…the partner I sometimes miss<br />…the comforter at night<br />…the one for whom I’ll fight<br />…the giver of affection<br />…the man with no deception<br />…the prince that brings me peace<br />…the joker that puts me at ease<br />…the lover that makes me cry<br />…the person that’ll always try<br />…the boogey man slayer<br />…the answer to my prayer<br />…the surprise that makes my day<br />…the friend that knows the way<br />…the man to overshadow all others<br />…the thing I wished for if I had my druthers<br />…the one that’s meant to be<br />…the happily ever after for me<br /><br />© 2009This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-57834550916036100602009-10-18T23:39:00.000-04:002009-10-18T23:40:33.406-04:00PurposeI do not hear from others what it is that they say<br />About the swell of my breasts or my hips<br />I really don’t care what they think in their heads<br />Or what words come from their lips<br /><br />All I know is how I feel<br />Beautiful, stunning, loving and true<br />Whenever I look in the mirror<br />Now that my body is filled with you<br /><br />I feel as if my body has found<br />Its purpose for walking this earth<br />To create another life within<br />And experience the beauty of birth<br /><br />I do not need anyone to tell me<br />How big my belly’s become<br />Or how pretty I may look<br />After the changes have begun<br /><br />It is a sweet secret I keep to myself<br />And it does not matter what others think<br />Because motherhood is a personal matter<br />And no one else is involved in this link.<br /><br />© 2009This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-52051880033748990072009-07-10T15:23:00.001-04:002009-07-10T15:33:19.304-04:00Girl Child<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXKV7UB-cVqM9Lc1hJzJnG0zEMh8lVPtTuwocx8TEsdDi8hca6wK82TCh0mPoOtDXFdnAcAwRlvmRIcI-ochnzzpLWMqFlRKvxS7vSynjAH0mqqIhrlMRF9yBoo63eAu-k6rgCKvcJsK6l/s1600-h/BABY_2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 152px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXKV7UB-cVqM9Lc1hJzJnG0zEMh8lVPtTuwocx8TEsdDi8hca6wK82TCh0mPoOtDXFdnAcAwRlvmRIcI-ochnzzpLWMqFlRKvxS7vSynjAH0mqqIhrlMRF9yBoo63eAu-k6rgCKvcJsK6l/s200/BABY_2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5356914374395041090" /></a><br /><br />Loved you since the day you were created<br />Though at that time you were only a wish in my heart<br />Still can’t grasp that you are being weaved inside<br />And that in a few short months you and I will be apart<br /><br />Girl child, the flesh and bone of my dreams<br />God’s very own image being nurtured from within<br />Girl child, beautiful and simple and sweet<br />How is it that you haven’t always been?<br /><br />Melodic rhythm of my heart keeps you growing<br />You feed off of my soul and feast off of my inspiration<br />Twisting and turning as you reach your completion<br />And join the rest of God’s creation<br /><br />Girl child, soft and smelling of my very own hope<br />Produced by nothing but love and grace<br />You are the miracle of my existence<br />I see the dreams from within on your face<br /><br />Girl child, this bond of ours is like nothing I’ve known<br />Though I too am a daughter close to my mother<br />This somehow feels different to me<br />More precious than what I’ve felt for another<br /><br />Love transformed in an instant<br />What you bring to this life is a force<br />It’s you and us against the world<br />While God steers us on this course<br /><br />© 2009This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-66880052590909602392009-07-07T22:26:00.000-04:002009-07-07T22:27:43.865-04:00This Is Who I am Vol VI am changing<br />Still me but a different side<br />The same flesh and bone<br />But now with a different guide<br /><br />I do not know how to explain<br />The quiet that I find solace in<br />The constant thoughts in my head<br />The reminiscing of where I’ve been<br /><br />I am still getting acquainted<br />Find it hard to say what you want to hear<br />The waves of silence take over<br />Though all I want is to feel you near<br /><br />I do not know where to go<br />What words will put you at ease<br />What actions I can take<br />For you to find what you please<br /><br />This is who I am<br />Up and down<br />Happy and sad<br />Curious, suspicious<br />Loving and mad<br /><br />Worried, concerned<br />Teary and frustrated<br />Wanting to be loved<br />Slowly recreated<br /><br />Thoughtful, insightful<br />Incoherent and meek<br />Trying to find answers<br />Which you also seek<br /><br />Grief stricken at losses<br />So long ago felt<br />Prayerful and hopeful<br />With the cards I was dealt<br /><br />Misunderstood<br />And trying to repair<br />What hasn’t been broken<br />Though it isn’t fair<br /><br />Elated with blessings<br />Expectant of more<br />Wanting to connect<br />With what I do adore<br /><br />Stressed and mindful<br />Of life’s daily tasks<br />Wishing for a break<br />Which this time now lacks<br /><br />Filled with new wonder<br />Melancholy with fears<br />A witness to miracles<br />And well-deserved tears<br /><br />I am all these things<br />Bottled up in one place<br />You’ll see it’s the truth<br />If you just look in my face<br /><br /> 2009This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-76460503691279108092009-06-18T08:53:00.004-04:002009-06-22T08:57:27.782-04:00Love Volume I<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT3Rrlnp4k4A4VBrRYhB8YgIbvzTQmzpLOejV_MDwaEzslkKGnW1iAnbBIGGGOSnMGG-DigUxqFOLcCMgR3M8DkGSolJJuvPSlQ7K7tG945sfg2K-p85e8tISXVbsM-_6XHYpTPIJLpq-I/s1600-h/Hearts.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 186px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhT3Rrlnp4k4A4VBrRYhB8YgIbvzTQmzpLOejV_MDwaEzslkKGnW1iAnbBIGGGOSnMGG-DigUxqFOLcCMgR3M8DkGSolJJuvPSlQ7K7tG945sfg2K-p85e8tISXVbsM-_6XHYpTPIJLpq-I/s200/Hearts.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5348650408605775042" /></a><br /><br />There have been no words dedicated to you<br />No poem to tell you how I feel<br />No volumes explaining this journey<br />No verse to make this magic real<br /><br />It has taken me 10 weeks of thinking<br />And feeling guilty at not working my craft<br />All it took was a few minutes before dawn<br />And at the simplicity I just laughed<br /><br />Saved up deep in my heart<br />Was this wish I couldn’t speak<br />Although mothering’s apparent<br />The force of it had made me weak<br /><br />Years have passed where I have questioned<br />Whether I’d ever see this day<br />To stand before a mirror<br />And see things look a different way<br /><br />But here I am after all this time<br />Feeling a flutter as I laid still<br />Amazed and humbled by the thought<br />That all that matters is God’s will<br /><br />You were made in perfect calm<br />With assurances of love and dedication<br />Without the stresses of daily life<br />We ended up with a perfect creation<br /><br />I’m overwhelmed with feelings of joy<br />As God looked down and smiled<br />At the moment that my life forever changed<br />When I finally felt my child<br /><br />© 2009This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-1762246009736742832009-05-22T18:46:00.003-04:002009-05-22T18:58:44.890-04:00The Business of Relationships<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyDa14siu0XUS3UV5bpNoCRuc6Z6dfj6HrikBVrsB6NpPO6kLc-8XZxRQDUCfKijoL8Z_t1kEyhN4BpXw426pOxnoNlt_H8Nmq186KdBVy8pNV2vX7YMyZlcnql5WpS4J_CtIYIp5I1YG1/s1600-h/Dancing_Couple.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyDa14siu0XUS3UV5bpNoCRuc6Z6dfj6HrikBVrsB6NpPO6kLc-8XZxRQDUCfKijoL8Z_t1kEyhN4BpXw426pOxnoNlt_H8Nmq186KdBVy8pNV2vX7YMyZlcnql5WpS4J_CtIYIp5I1YG1/s320/Dancing_Couple.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5338786601260337730" /></a><br /><br /><br />Okay this has been a long time coming. I think I started this one a while ago and decided it wasn’t ready to be put out yet. I’ve had a great many conversation with some of you about this and have been threatening to put something formal together but alas, have never found the time. This new year is bringing me a few sane (well, I’ll let you be the judge) moments in order to jot this down.<br /><br />The topic - relationships: long-term, committed relationships, engagements, marriage, etc. whatever your definition of “that” may be. I’ll use the word marriage in the rest of the blog in order to avoid confusion regarding “commitment”, “loyalty” and “faithfulness” as I know some don’t entertain those words unless it involves the word marriage as well. So here we go. Marriage is a business. As with any business, there are components and parts to it. Both simple and complicated. More specifically, marriage is a merger. If you know anything about business you know that when two companies merge, there’s a lot of “hashing” out that takes place prior to the final papers being signed. By that I mean that you have two entirely separate companies with a different set of assets, work environment, location, deficiencies and goods. These two companies see fit to become one due to an overwhelming amount of the stated resources listed above being compatible and after an analysis of both companies, the merger is decided upon when it is determined that this will improve both companies in the long run. There is no emotion into this. There is no “feelings” other than the management’s gut determining the viability of the merger. Obviously the research on both companies doesn’t get done unless someone says “hey, I have a good feeling about ABC company. We should look and see if we can merge”. That kicks things off and from then on, its numbers, analysis and determinations.<br /><br />Too often, relationships forget that. I’m not saying you don’t need love. But, not being able to “hash” out the business end of a relationship will ensure that even where there are vast amounts of love, the merger will not work. Love is necessary, it is the “gut” feeling I speak of above regarding the initial move to begin the merger. I don’t need to tell you that many a time, as the song says, sometimes love just ain’t enough. So we pick up there. This discussion is solely the thoughts and feelings of the author so, I apologize if it doesn’t meet with statistics or specifics to your case. Feel free to comment and give me your thoughts.<br /><br />Now there are a ton of things in a relationship that you can compromise on. This compromising process is ongoing throughout the life of your relationship. You must remain open to that idea right from day one. Marriage is also very hard work! Consider the two companies again, do you think that they just go about their business after signing the paperwork? No! They work at the merger, they tend to it, hold more meetings than normal and only when a certain plateau is reached does the new company settle in. There is still work that gets done, hard work. Long days depending on the season and more good days than bad if it was a good merger. But there are also things that must be hashed out prior to any commitments being made. I believe in the 5 F’s for marriage:<br /><br />1. Faith<br />2. Family<br />3. Finance<br />4. Friendship<br />5. I’ll leave the last one up to your imagination<br /><br />By the way, these aren’t listed in any particular order. I’ll take these one by one:<br /><br />Faith. I’m going to use myself in these examples because, well, I know me best. I believe that the family that prays together stays together. I have a strong sense of faith due to my own experiences and God’s grace in my life. Therefore, in order to have a successful “merger” you must be on the same plane as your partner on this topic. I, for example, cannot be involved with an atheist. I know that, that’s not something I can compromise on no matter how nice the other person is.<br /><br />Family. To me, it’s one of the most important things in my life. I am close to mine. Love it, can’t do without it. I therefore, cannot possibly be with someone that doesn’t think of family in this same way. This also includes the family that we will build. I, for example, could never be with someone that doesn’t want children. I can’t compromise on that.<br /><br />Finance. Some ridiculous statistic names finances as the number one reason for divorce. So needless to say, all cards must be put down on the table in order to make things work. If you marry someone not knowing their financial situation you might find yourself highly frustrated as you try to build something later on. That’s not to say that your situation will discount you now. This simply means that knowing up front will allow the two of you to put together a sound game plan for the future.<br /><br />Friendship. This encompasses a couple of issues. The friendship between the two of you. Your partner must be your best friend. The person you call when you stub your toe and even the person you call when he/she upsets you. If they don’t know, they’ll never be able to fix it, right? Also, this includes the friendships you have outside of the relationships. The friends of opposite sex, the ex’s, etc. A clear understanding of expectation and needs must be discussed otherwise, there will be a lot of painful moments as each learns the other’s nuances, restrictions and expectations. This is VERY important because the people around you could possibly hinder your relationship without even knowing it. At the same time those same people could boost your relationship. It all depends on how this is handled.<br /><br />The last F. There needs to be an understanding, thorough and concise regarding this topic. Compatibility is essential and if it is not there, with time, it will corrode away the core of a relationship. Good sex will make you apologize for something you didn’t do (he he). It will be there even when you are mad (and maybe ease some of the tension between the two). If you don’t like it and your partner does, it will be a problem no matter how much you love each other. It’s the little (and sometimes the not so little) things that tend to come to mind when you are upset, angry or not liking each other. Something as simple as this could ease a world of tension if you’re on the same page.<br /><br />Last and certainly not least: you will not always like that person. You will hate them sometimes. They will get on your nerves. You’re going to look over and think: what the hell was I thinking?! How can I be with someone that I detest so much right now? The key is this: if you’re in it for the long haul, really in it, if you understand that you will be together for the rest of your lives (whether you like it or not – smile) there will be no problem that you won’t be able to conquer. You must of course respect, honor and cherish one another (and the rest of that vow we’ve all heard at weddings). Mergers don’t go into it thinking that they might “unmerge” later. Want to know why? They’ve gone through all of the required documentation and compromised on what they felt was “compromise-able”, discussed all points calmly and without prejudice. If you take the love out of a relationship (for the purposes of conducting the “business” only, it needs to be put back in after all is talked through in order for true happiness), sit down and do the same you will find that what you build will be strong enough to last a lifetime. Then and only then will love be enough.<br /><br /> 2008This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-45532367536380116532009-03-12T22:10:00.002-04:002009-04-02T19:02:51.089-04:00This Is Who I Am Vol IVI want to hide my heart til it’s decided where exactly it will land<br />I want to hide my feelings far away from the grasping of your hand<br /> <br />I want to hide the passing time and the crevice that slowly forms<br />I want to shield you from the people that attempt to give you norms<br /> <br />I want to hide my voice so that there is no more to tell<br />I want to cover up my ears so that I don’t hear my yell<br /> <br />I want to hide from the voice I hear that sounds completely sane<br />As if everything’s alright when nothing really feels the same<br /> <br />I want to hide the need to care for someone that I love so much<br />I want to numb myself to the cravings that my skin feels for your touch<br /> <br />I want to make myself invisible to the eyes that I can’t see<br />I want to hide from the stares that impede you from seeing me<br /> <br />I want to hide the laughter that has suddenly been lost<br />I want to not remember what I got for such a cost<br /> <br />I want to hide the tears that gather in the realms of slow despair<br />I want to drown myself in sorrow just in case there’s no repair<br /> <br />I want to bury my emotions and go about along the way<br />I want to not want to hide, to feel the warmth of a new day<br /> <br />I want to hide the thoughts that creep in the silence of the night<br />I want to brush away your doubts and what seems to cause you fright<br /> <br />I want to smother the hidden feelings and hide behind the wall<br />Create some safety, illusion, daydream while preparing for the fall<br /><br />And at the same time that I'm hiding I feel the need to give a damn<br />To stand tall as a reminder that This Is Who I Am.<br /><br />© 2009This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-19255410937617427612009-02-19T21:03:00.001-05:002009-02-19T21:08:26.633-05:00I Still Remember<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYJIFqu9bvI6JdCfRALEVsbMlES_2eu1j_9rhAVvTLAjJG4t-hIQsG0DIcead60PUBmbfKqZ6BPQ3ixiDSfJluZDLdxT7Ze1yFtUbhZUjIXLGeVTgYFbdgVms0NY2b0h_ZAlcaJ4oHHwXk/s1600-h/Dion_Smiling_Small.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 256px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYJIFqu9bvI6JdCfRALEVsbMlES_2eu1j_9rhAVvTLAjJG4t-hIQsG0DIcead60PUBmbfKqZ6BPQ3ixiDSfJluZDLdxT7Ze1yFtUbhZUjIXLGeVTgYFbdgVms0NY2b0h_ZAlcaJ4oHHwXk/s320/Dion_Smiling_Small.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5304695578723979122" /></a><br /><br />Almost a year has gone by<br />Since we were blessed with your presence<br />Yet we know because of you<br />What life means, at its essence<br /><br />I still remember…<br />The picture of you in the womb<br />The happiness I felt when I heard existed<br />The love instantaneous and pure<br />The heartstrings that pulled and insisted<br /><br />I still remember…<br />The appointments and updates<br />The tiredness and the cravings<br />The excitement in the air<br />The planning and the savings<br /><br />I still remember…<br />The news of your early arrival<br />The prayers that went up in your name<br />The knowledge of the path before you<br />The feeling things wouldn’t be the same<br /><br />I still remember…<br />The drive I took down to see you<br />And telling myself you’d be fine<br />Comforting your mom as I could<br />The feeling that you’re also mine<br /><br />I still remember…<br />Washing my hands and preparing<br />To walk in to see your cocoon<br />Smiling and praying at the same time<br />Thinking of the book Goodnight Moon<br /><br />I still remember…<br />On that last day a week after your birth<br />Being blessed to touch your little thigh<br />Then the feeling of guilt that I’d touched you<br />And saying goodbye with a sigh<br /><br />I still remember…<br />My heart sinking low in rejection<br />Of hearing that you’d gone from us<br />No big call, no hoopla, no fighting<br />You’d left without making a fuss<br /><br />I still remember…<br />Your head full of hair<br />The look on your face<br />The feel of your skin<br />The blessings and grace<br /><br />The smirk that was captured<br />The soul that I saw<br />The perfection within<br />No mishap, no flaw<br /><br />The heartbreaker embodied<br />The truth that you brought<br />As little as you were<br />You breathed and you fought<br /><br />The fact that you died<br />So your sister could thrive<br />I feel you’re the reason<br />That she will survive<br /><br />The love that you brought us<br />The pain that we feel<br />The tears I still shed<br />And don’t care to conceal<br /><br />I still feel your presence<br />My sweet little boy<br />Through the pain in my heart<br />I vow to feel joy<br /><br />I will always remember<br />I will never forget<br />My dearest Antonio<br />I am blessed that we met<br /><br />© 2009This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-46569621522748749622009-02-17T08:49:00.000-05:002009-02-17T08:50:07.268-05:00Believer's PrayerNever a dull moment in life. Blessings received along with the strife. Cannot complain about what to do or what to say. Always find myself down the right way. Being led by something higher than my own, God always holds my hand even when I think I'm grown. Ask for prayers and prayers are received. Even when I stumble, in my heart I have believed.<br /><br />Prayed for a specific, for a secret deep in my heart. Delivered with a flourish in whole and not in part. Adversities come to mind, sorrows and regrets. But one look at my God and all this I soon forget. Turning to Him now to get me through the path He's placed. Have faith He'll keep His promise and light the road to the dreams I've chased. Though my heart still fills with fears when something starts to go wrong, my God reminds me quietly He'll keep his promise while I keep strong.<br /><br />© 2008This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-7862059467560137302009-02-13T21:14:00.002-05:002009-02-13T21:20:38.125-05:00Loved<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivF9WXbTjMbl7iz8-Vn7z3u747LsQHuEH_d7QLXInoIv9S_DQAIuyX15Q7QGSFMy2OD4Zcu9IV6mAKXA04L38JIdqlxH1RLq1AK0R0mcEZb4Rv2lPCw1Mzu8_YdFXmysAtjYY25HTFcSuR/s1600-h/Sili+and+Biram+2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivF9WXbTjMbl7iz8-Vn7z3u747LsQHuEH_d7QLXInoIv9S_DQAIuyX15Q7QGSFMy2OD4Zcu9IV6mAKXA04L38JIdqlxH1RLq1AK0R0mcEZb4Rv2lPCw1Mzu8_YdFXmysAtjYY25HTFcSuR/s320/Sili+and+Biram+2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5302472201981778050" /></a><br />In the midst of the night I am loved<br />Wholly, fully, truthfully and sure<br />In the breaking of dawn I find happiness<br />With words of truth that will endure<br /><br />In the waking of the sun I see your face<br />Dark and lovely full of all that I seek<br />In the moisture of the dew I see our future<br />And the promise of that image makes me weak<br /><br />In the rising of the heat I see the passion<br />That’s been there like magnets from the day we met<br />The way we go together, the way we fit<br />The connection we make, hard to forget<br /><br />In the cooling of the shade I see your tenderness<br />And your willingness and need to care for me<br />In the quiet of afternoon my guard is down<br />Naked is my soul for you to see<br /><br />In the time before the sunset my heart feels fear<br />Remembering the heartache it’s lived to tell<br />With eyes closed and perspiration<br />I quench the need to run and yell<br /><br />In the minutes of beauty watching the sky<br />Your arms wrap around me and ease my fear<br />No need to run no need to hide<br />Your kiss reminds me you’re always here<br /><br />In the enveloping darkness I think once more<br />Of the passing day and the ways I’m adored<br />Without realizing what you’ve accomplished<br />The love and the trust you have restored<br /><br />The midst, the dawn, the sun, the heat<br />The cool, the setting, the shade, the beat<br /><br />The beauty, the darkness, the fear, the trust<br />The passion, the happiness, the heartache, the lust<br /><br />I am loved, blessed and treasured<br />And that wealth cannot be measured.<br /><br />© 2009This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-63586135337565515372009-02-10T10:21:00.000-05:002009-02-10T10:22:33.647-05:00Untitled ThoughtsIt is not that I lack understanding, rather, I understand a bit too well<br />That good intentions and vacillations pave the road that leads to hell<br /><br />It is not that I don’t see the love you feel deep within your heart<br />Rather that I see the provocations when you and I have been apart<br /><br />It is not that I am insecure or think myself less than another<br />But I’ve lived long enough to see what unhappiness can surely smother<br /><br />It is not that I am beyond comprehending the situation<br />More like I have seen the silent killer called temptation<br /><br />It is not that I am blind to you being in demand<br />I see the value within yourself that you don’t yet understand<br /><br />Not trying to turn you into something that you do not want to be<br />Just working with the secret wishes that you have whispered to me<br /><br />And yet, I see resistance in your actions if not in your voice<br />Don’t ever want you to feel as if you never had a choice<br /><br />I also see a secret thought in the blankness of your stare<br />I am familiar with its figure even though you will not share<br /><br />It is the silhouette of thoughts being shared by another mind<br />Who is unhappy and subjective and at times a bit unkind<br /><br />The seed of doubt being cultivated in the echoes of your thought<br />Killing all the flowers in your garden after all that you have fought<br /><br />The trembling hand of negativity creeping in to do its deed<br /> The souls too jealous to admit it and you too blind to see the greed<br /><br />Upset that another has your ear and can affect the man I know<br />Not understanding why you’ve allowed this chasm between us to grow<br /><br />Thought it was us, just you and me fighting the fight and always living<br />Fear now fills my heart as I take a look at what I’ve been giving…<br /><br />My heart without expectation other than it be loved and cared<br />For the first time in a while, I do believe I’m truly scared<br /><br />So I fight to keep the dream alive as all this slowly unfurled<br />Questioning now if you believe that it is us against the world <br /><br />It is not that I wish to leave this soul I always knew I’d find<br />Just unsure if my love’s enough to be the only in his mind<br /><br />© 2009This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-14634645130714742422009-02-10T10:20:00.000-05:002009-02-10T10:21:45.075-05:00GoneUnwanted<br />Rejected<br />Unneeded<br />Neglected<br /><br />Looked after<br />Perceived<br />And slowly<br />Deceived<br /><br />Others get the looks<br />The words and the touch<br />While I slowly wither<br />And miss you so much<br /><br />Confused<br />Upset<br />Filled with<br />Regret<br /><br />Missing<br />A big clue<br />Expecting<br />My due<br /><br />Here with me<br />Yet gone<br />I’m not blind<br />You’ve withdrawn<br /><br />© 2009<br />(Written, January '09)This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-85065794422123468602009-02-09T20:38:00.006-05:002009-02-09T20:51:11.602-05:00What you want most...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho1uOG3g05HvwEL9DaykoD4U4qrNEMFZwSmr2vVFfwakbJEk3Xg42zooRPqfYY4vJ8MXUguenQdzZUZJCJSX421WHv6n0iwgQh8SK9Dwu8DN1kDnYiDpq6ZlW4U5XpV_36AjWlSrGuiQi2/s1600-h/MyPicture.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho1uOG3g05HvwEL9DaykoD4U4qrNEMFZwSmr2vVFfwakbJEk3Xg42zooRPqfYY4vJ8MXUguenQdzZUZJCJSX421WHv6n0iwgQh8SK9Dwu8DN1kDnYiDpq6ZlW4U5XpV_36AjWlSrGuiQi2/s320/MyPicture.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5300979306830781442" /></a><br /><br /><br/><br/><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">"The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what you want most for what you want now." - Zig Ziglar<br /></span><br />Why is it that people trade in what they want most for what they want now? I think most of us understand this because we've either experienced it or have been on the receiving end of this quote. So what can you do to ensure this doesn't happen to you? Nothing.<br /><br />You can guard your own mind and your own heart to ensure that you never fall into this trap. However, there's no way that you can prevent others from falling into it themselves. Because you can't make people see what they have. And most times, they figure it out too late. Personally, I'm apt to never give a person a chance once they've traded me in for what they thought they wanted. It gives them a character flaw that I can't bear. Scars them for life in my eyes and in an irreparable way.<br /><br />I am very aware of when I find something or someone precious. And I expect those around me to be able to do the same. I'm not saying I'm this great and wonderful person. I have flaws as everyone does. But the fact that I've seen this mistake made on more than one occasion makes me put the question out there. WHY?<br /><br />I am a firm believer in "everything comes out in the wash". And if you are not, sit back and wait, believe me you'll see it come to fruition. While I know that at times people do not wish to hurt your feelings, I happen to know that it is easier to get your feelings hurt now rather than later. Because later it's not just your feelings that are hurt. It's your friendship, your trust, your very core in a way that cannot be soothed by words but that has been ruined by action.<br /><br />So next time you think the grass is greener or find yourself having doubts, remember Zig's quote will you?<br /><br />© 2009This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-48204585617390786022009-02-03T17:03:00.003-05:002009-02-03T17:06:40.148-05:00A Day Like Any Other Would Still Make You Loved...<span style="font-style:italic;">(You can blame Ashley for this…)</span><br /><br />Tell me what comes to mind when you hear these words: Valentine’s Day. Hope, money, dinner, love, flowers, candy, loneliness, depression, rejection, fear?<br /><br />Why is it that this holiday has the ability to bring so many different feelings to so many different people? As women, it is expected of us to have “someone” to spend it with. Moreover, people feel the need to openly ask why we don’t. This is preposterous to me! We select one day in which a person that loves us is to prove their love in public by making reservations at the right restaurant and showering us with public displays of affection? Are you serious?!<br /><br />I’ve seen a great many women, unhappy and miserable in their marriages receive flowers on this day. These flowers were sent after much nagging and prodding by an uninterested husband who is equally unhappy. Yet I am supposed to feel bad? Why? Because I’m not miserable? Because I have no one to nag into sending me flowers? Because I prefer to not be delusional about the state of my relationship?<br /><br />I don’t think so! And before you go around guessing: I have a wonderful caring man in my life. He shows me he loves me in many ways and has been known to send me flowers on dates such as December 13th (which is of no significant value in our love calendar). He tells me he loves me every day and every day I believe him. On February 14th of last year I had my first really nice Valentine ’s Day thanks to him. You know why? Because I gave up trying to live up to some expectation. Gave up thinking that my life had to look like a Hallmark card. A long time ago I realized this “holiday” was a gimmick and I decided to tell everyone that I care for how I felt for them. Because inevitably someone messes up somewhere during this day. The wrong flowers are sent, the chocolate has nuts and you’re allergic, the reservations were lost! Yet what do we tell everyone the next day? How wonderful it was and how special we felt! Delusional.<br /><br />If you are not in a relationship, this is just another day. If you love people, share that love with them (and not just on 2/14)! It does not have to be someone from the opposite sex. I’ve been known to make candy bags and cards for the people I work with and to send cards of love to my friends near and far.<br /><br />If this day is about love then it shouldn’t be about who sent you flowers or offered up his/her heart. It should be about reminding all of the people you love that they are special to you and secretly promising them that you’ll be sure to show them the other 364 days of the year.<br /><br />© 2009This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-37748824415010542532009-01-20T23:13:00.002-05:002009-02-03T17:06:56.638-05:00The Rollins Crew...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiByXwXYH52EUH7g3X7g_zale3zdU8XfFOyf_KGthMxnLleU0yHT6nUOfXaHJfRZ0e7j-u3DOIam2_Tv3wtdPWCQ0lSqtuEkyqJI3PQP9w31lylB3fJTePIcfs4TWhjbmUeF69ufAB39gWD/s1600-h/BSU+Alumni.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiByXwXYH52EUH7g3X7g_zale3zdU8XfFOyf_KGthMxnLleU0yHT6nUOfXaHJfRZ0e7j-u3DOIam2_Tv3wtdPWCQ0lSqtuEkyqJI3PQP9w31lylB3fJTePIcfs4TWhjbmUeF69ufAB39gWD/s320/BSU+Alumni.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5293595529478037874" /></a><br />As I witnessed this wonderful event today, thoughts tired me out. I reached out to what I consider my family, after all these years, and new thoughts entered my mind. This past Monday I had the opportunity to run into some Rollins College Students and as some of the ladies told me (though I'm not sure how they know this), it's still the same.<br /><br />And you know what? I hope that's the case. As I prepare to be in Paul's wedding: Paul, who became my big brother freshman year and taught me the nuances of stress massages (thanks for volunteering Amir) and Star Trek Next Generation. As I call Robiaun in the middle of the day to get a word of advice: Robi, who pulled me in to her arms on that Fall day in 1992 while I walked around Mills Lawn stopping at the tables filled with activities and information. As I harass Ixchelle (apparently now that she's grown up she's no longer Shelley!) about sending me baby pictures: Shelley who I talked into getting a tattoo with me on October 27th, 1994, so that I wouldn't do it on my own. I can go on and on and on. All this to say, I hope that things are still the same.<br /><br />We always speak of reconnecting. Always remember how things were for us day in and day out on a campus where we felt so isolated. But most importantly, most of us are still connected, forever. Through marriages, births, deaths and everything else in between. Because we will forever be the Rollins Crew...<br /><br />© 2009This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-56220039403270873242009-01-20T11:31:00.006-05:002009-02-02T21:39:40.328-05:00As I Watch<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRdGKhvywxKYs4gH1PKRumjdLfpTcGMY7elEgYwfGl8n0NhsoWl-8YK21da5jVJgVnmNX0MrkY7PPiQ5VTq0lUE6hz6v74Z4TllfpgEmRe3He0GLBlV5wZ8Sd5hQGzDN2PUdcYlksrVRYd/s1600-h/obamanddrkingblack.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 217px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRdGKhvywxKYs4gH1PKRumjdLfpTcGMY7elEgYwfGl8n0NhsoWl-8YK21da5jVJgVnmNX0MrkY7PPiQ5VTq0lUE6hz6v74Z4TllfpgEmRe3He0GLBlV5wZ8Sd5hQGzDN2PUdcYlksrVRYd/s320/obamanddrkingblack.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5293415580320783746" /></a><br />As I watch, I am in awe<br />As I watch, I am inspired<br />As I watch, I cannot believe<br />How succinctly life’s conspired<br /><br />Words cannot describe this feeling<br />I do not know what I can say<br />To capture this moment in time<br />For my children to read one day<br /><br />The anticipation growing in my heart<br />Feels as if it’s more than I can bear<br />History in the making, hope and pride<br />Acknowledgement that life is fair<br /><br />And it is not about the color<br />Religion, race or creed<br />It’s about an assurance of better<br />And working for what we need<br /><br />It is about my children having a world<br />Where anything is possible if they try<br />Though there are struggles left to conquer<br />These same rivers they will not cry<br /><br />It is about uniting a country<br />That for so long has seemed so lost<br />Though we still have bridges to cross<br />It will be at a lesser cost<br /><br />As I watch, I am in tears<br />As I watch, I surely pray<br />As I watch, God watches also<br />As He’s prepared us for this day.<br /><br />© 2009This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-38898070778530563092008-12-21T23:38:00.005-05:002008-12-29T21:26:35.343-05:00Magic Out of Words<span style="font-style:italic;">Communication is a beautiful thing but I am so intrigued by how much miscommunication takes place when we try to communicate. At times I wish I could wave a magic wand. Not only so that I could be better understood but so that others could understand me as well. And I wonder if my unfulfilled relationships (friends, family, men, etc) throughout my life possibly fell apart because of a word misspoken or a thought left unsaid? How many people walk through life without a clue as to how their words affect others? I know I speak with many people that have shared their experiences and it really makes me wonder and appreciate the power of words. <br /><br />And thus the title of this poem came to me: Magic out of words. Because I truly wish I could make magic with them. I think that title may have more volumes to it so, stay tuned...</span><br /><br />---<br /><br />I want to make magic out of words<br />So that my feelings are understood<br />Nothing left but thoughts and suppositions<br />I’d make it all clear if I only could<br /><br />I’d talk about the hurt in my heart<br />That creeps back in when you walk out<br />As if you’ve left the door open on your way<br />And it remains in your place to roam about<br /><br />Words that could describe<br />The feeling of love that you bring<br />The passion of your touch<br />The joy that makes me sing<br /><br />Magic out of words to account for<br />The scars that have been left behind<br />And the ones you hide so well<br />That make you feel restricted and confined<br /><br />I want to make magic sweet and true<br />So that we can get on with our lives<br />Live the reason we were brought together<br />And not the doubt that swiftly deprives<br /><br />Clear up the excuses about being too close too fast<br />All the while letting another see our heart<br />Innocent acts cloaked clumsily along the way<br />That in unseen ways slowly drive us apart<br /><br />Magic to explain how all of the actions<br />Roll into how we act and react every day<br />Words to show how others mold us<br />Shape, restrain and harden us like fire to clay<br /><br />I would paint a picture with my words<br />A magic portrait that would open your eyes<br />And illustrate the interpretation of your silence<br />And give definition to your disguise<br /><br />We all wear masks in this short life<br />And each one has a different meaning<br />My words would magically interpret them<br />Give me a true picture of how you’re leaning<br /><br />The painting would be color in the middle<br />Black and white along the edge of time<br />Showing the harshness of coexistence<br />The worthwhile moments colored sublime<br /><br />The magic that I’d make would let me know<br />If that feeling ever comes back to your mind<br />If bliss is really what guides your actions<br />If those thoughts are finally left behind<br /><br />Because I am still afraid<br />That love is causing you to drown<br />And instead of your soul flying high<br />It makes you feel like you’re locked down<br /><br />I want to make magic out of words<br />That would translate the harshness I hear<br />Create a new vocabulary for feelings<br />That would bring faith instead of fear<br /><br />A magic that can describe this thing<br />That you cannot explain to others<br />Some new word that can depict it<br />I’d make magic out of words if I had my druthers<br /><br />For the kisses so expected and missed<br />For the hugs so intense and freely given<br />For the arguments and miscommunication<br />For the adored and the forgiven<br /><br />For the stories told in the quiet of the night<br />For the masking of hurt in your eyes<br />For the pure ecstasy that we experience<br />For the pain we feel to gain the prize<br /><br />I want to make magic out of words<br />To explain the feelings with no connotation<br />To stop life’s misunderstandings<br />And cut down on the frustration<br /><br />I would make a type of magic<br />That can be folded up and curled<br />To remind you that at the end of the day<br />It is us against the world<br /><br />© 2008This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-15964065707853474562008-12-11T15:47:00.001-05:002008-12-29T21:26:23.817-05:00This Is Who I Am Vol IIIQuestions on my mind returning back to the same topic as a dog returns to the same tree every time he’s walked around the block. Not sure I understand the situation. A million thoughts in my head day in and day out, a million ways that this could be played. What is going on? What is it that hasn’t been said? Word association would not turn out to be good, not sure what these words strung together really mean. Not sure if it makes sense. Don’t really care anymore. Giving up on giving a damn about who will read this in the future and what they will think of it. Why should I? I’ve realized that everyone has an opinion and as much as we like to think that it happens, for the most part opinions do not change. Opinions do not fluctuate. You are held accountable for every word spoken, every action ever taken. You. Because. No. One. Wants. To. Believe. You. Because ultimately you’d just be ruining their carefully laid out plans of how thing should be. And if you change then it means that something is wrong because they never do. So whatever you say becomes engraved in steel pored over with a glaze of ignorance and a spatter of color from your rage at never being able to live that down. Whatever it was. That phrase said in a moment of passion. That action taken as your heart desperately lurched forward because of fear or elation. That thing that you forgive in others, for you requires justification.<br /><br />Understand that it’s just how the world works. How people get by with their shortcomings and lives. How they can put up with their husbands and deal with their wives. No free association for you as you speak your mind, your heart, your spirit your soul. Must always watch what you say, must always know your goal. Need to have intent to your words, relation to your actions. Lest someone interpret it as philosophical dissatisfaction.<br /><br />Tired of playing the game especially from people that claim they do not know the rules. They’re the master player and then you turn out to be the fool. This is who I am. Wants and needs raw and cooked. Salty, sweet, available, booked. Severe and lax all in the same day. Innocent if you glance over, devious when you glance away. Perfect hostess, friend, sister, girlfriend, daughter, scholar. Naughty, sensual, devilish, scheming, priceless to the dollar. A complex being that you can’t claim to figure out. Changing always as I grow ‘cause that’s what I’m about.<br /><br />Make your opinions, give me definition, form a picture in your head. One day you’ll turn and realize I’m alive while you are dead.<br /><br />© 2008This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-2789960456411159032008-12-04T11:21:00.001-05:002008-12-04T11:23:47.933-05:00Ripped<span style="font-style:italic;">(trying to recreate my previous blog so I'm just moving the poems from there to here, hope it's not too confusing...)<br />June '08</span><br /><br />Sitting and waiting for something to be said. Patience with time. Patience has fled. Said you no longer care one way or the other if I’m angry and mad, with you or another. Said you weren’t concerned with the time in between where I’d think and ponder just where you have been. The more time that passes the bigger the crime. And I’m being punished for dropping the dime.<br /><br />The clock ticks away slivers of my heart the more time I wait, the more time apart. No care to be had, in your own little world not knowing the consequence that slowly unfurled. The pain a bit sharper, the beats louder still. The knife in the wound being turned for the kill. The time passes by as more words are dissected and more questions arise from new lies detected. No worries at the moment since your secrets won’t tell. Go on with the silence while I sit here in hell.<br /><br />© 2008This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-54681005441432551352008-12-04T11:20:00.004-05:002008-12-04T11:24:12.913-05:00Silent Betrayal<span style="font-style:italic;">(trying to recreate my previous blog so I'm just moving the poems from there to here, hope it's not too confusing...)<br />November '07</span><br /><br />It seems as if this was inevitable though I never thought it would come. Never gave any credence to your reputation after the “getting to know you” was done. Didn’t think it would end this quietly with your silence ringing loud and true. Thought you’d be a bigger person and tell me the truth in you. Sitting here wondering if all of the feelings were a lie. If the way I made you feel really meant this wouldn’t die. Saddened by the lack of words, the inaction and the despair. Sleepless nights, drowned in sorrow while trying to come up for air. Lifted you when you were down, loved you carelessly in spite of it all. I am to blame for giving blindly, taking the leap and causing the fall. Hollow heart, empty veins, dried up tears as I reach the end. Hard to believe you broke your promise to be truthful to your friend.<br /><br />© 2007This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-77278492959300425132008-12-04T11:20:00.003-05:002008-12-04T11:24:24.150-05:00Broken<span style="font-style:italic;">(trying to recreate my previous blog so I'm just moving the poems from there to here, hope it's not too confusing...)<br />November '07</span><br /><br />It seems as if this was inevitable though I never thought it would come. Never gave any credence to your reputation after the “getting to know you” was done. Didn’t think it would end this quietly with your silence ringing loud and true. Thought you’d be a bigger person and tell me the truth in you. Sitting here wondering if all of the feelings were a lie. If the way I made you feel really meant this wouldn’t die. Saddened by the lack of words, the inaction and the despair. Sleepless nights, drowned in sorrow while trying to come up for air. Lifted you when you were down, loved you carelessly in spite of it all. I am to blame for giving blindly, taking the leap and causing the fall. Hollow heart, empty veins, dried up tears as I reach the end. Hard to believe you broke your promise to be truthful to your friend.<br /><br />© 2007This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3847727717456100350.post-29318508043999374622008-12-04T11:20:00.001-05:002008-12-04T11:24:37.089-05:00Cleansing<span style="font-style:italic;">(trying to recreate my previous blog so I'm just moving the poems from there to here, hope it's not too confusing...)<br />October '07</span><br /><br />The knife lies still on my hand<br />No trembling no shaking no nerve<br />The blood smells fresh from the veins<br />The flesh is ready to serve<br /><br />The sorrow seeps out of my body<br />As relief takes its place<br />The picture no longer in mind<br />The man no longer with face<br /><br />The tears that stain my cheeks<br />No longer feel like my own<br />The burden is leaving forever<br />Not needing to act like I’m grown<br /><br />The cuts are small and petite<br />Resembling my very own features<br />The number of them is impressive<br />Hundreds of bright little red creatures<br /><br />The major cut in the chest<br />Will leave forever a gaping hole<br />The place where my heart once resided<br />Emptiness now its number one goal<br /><br />The pretty has fallen behind<br />Having found nothing useful to do<br />My hand is steady and calm<br />As it cleanses itself from you<br /><br />© 2007This Is Who I Amhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09454817898827476163noreply@blogger.com0