Now I've Done It!

I finally created my mami site! If you follow me here, head on over and check out my blog. Enjoy!

What Cancer Cannot Do...

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.
- Unknown

My mother was diagnosed with bile duct cancer on April 6, 2010. I think this is the first time I've written about it here. There are so many thoughts and feelings with the diagnosis and the subsequent flurry of activity that takes place. I signed up for my Relay for Life event today and I realized that 1. I don't blog enough and 2. I need to talk about this.

I am not sure what to say right now. I am heartbroken after hearing someone that I've been praying for has passed and it seems as if every day I am hearing about someone who is diagnosed. I have little words. But I hold fast to the poem above and pray that we soon find a cure.

Here's our Relay for Life page:
http://main.acsevents.org/goto/ILoveElena

Girl Child Vol II

I am there when you open your eyes in the morning and you smile. It does not matter if you are sick, hungry or wet. You smile. And my heart sings. You look at me with a sparkle in your eyes that I’ve never seen in another. I feel blessed and humbled at once to be known as your mother. And you are my girl child.

You wrap your tiny arm around my neck and softly nuzzle your face when I put you on my shoulder. My heart aches to think that you may not do this one day when you’re older. If I sit you on my lap you look up to me and press your hand to my face. Your love is in your tiny hand sending currents so strong, I have to stand still, in place. I am your mother. There is no other. And you are my girl child.

At times I lean in to you and give you kisses on that special place on your neck and I hear a sound that I cannot describe. Laughter and squeals of joy and happiness that seem like they won’t subside. I am your mother. There is no other. And you are my girl child.

We play together, laugh out loud. With every new milestone you make me proud. We cuddle and snuggle until its time for bed. Then it’s time to pick which book will be read. You wiggle in anticipation and can’t wait to help me out. Turning the pages and wiggling about. I hold you in my arms, look in your eyes and pray. You fall asleep listening to the praises I say. I am your mother. There is no other. And you are my girl child.

I know when you are tired, hungry or wet. Is it really possible that we’d never met? I can comfort you with the sound of my voice and a soft lullaby. And I know the difference of each and every cry. I am your mother. There is no other. And you are my girl child.

You act like there is magic in my touch. How is it that I can love you so much? To you my voice is sweet and soft though I know I can’t sing. It’s amazing the happiness that you bring. There’s always a production while we make it through the days. With each passing moment I memorize your ways. Each smile, each frown, each look of sweet concern. If you’re sad, hurt or fussy, all this I can discern. God has not yet made words that can describe the way I feel. But I’m so glad His promises have surely become real. You are special beyond words. Loved above any other. I can say without a doubt I’m blessed to be a mother. And you? You are my girl child sent to brighten up this place. With a twinkle in your eye or a smile upon your face.

© 2010

He Is...

…the mouth I long to kiss
…the partner I sometimes miss
…the comforter at night
…the one for whom I’ll fight
…the giver of affection
…the man with no deception
…the prince that brings me peace
…the joker that puts me at ease
…the lover that makes me cry
…the person that’ll always try
…the boogey man slayer
…the answer to my prayer
…the surprise that makes my day
…the friend that knows the way
…the man to overshadow all others
…the thing I wished for if I had my druthers
…the one that’s meant to be
…the happily ever after for me

© 2009

Purpose

I do not hear from others what it is that they say
About the swell of my breasts or my hips
I really don’t care what they think in their heads
Or what words come from their lips

All I know is how I feel
Beautiful, stunning, loving and true
Whenever I look in the mirror
Now that my body is filled with you

I feel as if my body has found
Its purpose for walking this earth
To create another life within
And experience the beauty of birth

I do not need anyone to tell me
How big my belly’s become
Or how pretty I may look
After the changes have begun

It is a sweet secret I keep to myself
And it does not matter what others think
Because motherhood is a personal matter
And no one else is involved in this link.

© 2009

Girl Child

Loved you since the day you were created
Though at that time you were only a wish in my heart
Still can’t grasp that you are being weaved inside
And that in a few short months you and I will be apart

Girl child, the flesh and bone of my dreams
God’s very own image being nurtured from within
Girl child, beautiful and simple and sweet
How is it that you haven’t always been?

Melodic rhythm of my heart keeps you growing
You feed off of my soul and feast off of my inspiration
Twisting and turning as you reach your completion
And join the rest of God’s creation

Girl child, soft and smelling of my very own hope
Produced by nothing but love and grace
You are the miracle of my existence
I see the dreams from within on your face

Girl child, this bond of ours is like nothing I’ve known
Though I too am a daughter close to my mother
This somehow feels different to me
More precious than what I’ve felt for another

Love transformed in an instant
What you bring to this life is a force
It’s you and us against the world
While God steers us on this course

© 2009

This Is Who I am Vol V

I am changing
Still me but a different side
The same flesh and bone
But now with a different guide

I do not know how to explain
The quiet that I find solace in
The constant thoughts in my head
The reminiscing of where I’ve been

I am still getting acquainted
Find it hard to say what you want to hear
The waves of silence take over
Though all I want is to feel you near

I do not know where to go
What words will put you at ease
What actions I can take
For you to find what you please

This is who I am
Up and down
Happy and sad
Curious, suspicious
Loving and mad

Worried, concerned
Teary and frustrated
Wanting to be loved
Slowly recreated

Thoughtful, insightful
Incoherent and meek
Trying to find answers
Which you also seek

Grief stricken at losses
So long ago felt
Prayerful and hopeful
With the cards I was dealt

Misunderstood
And trying to repair
What hasn’t been broken
Though it isn’t fair

Elated with blessings
Expectant of more
Wanting to connect
With what I do adore

Stressed and mindful
Of life’s daily tasks
Wishing for a break
Which this time now lacks

Filled with new wonder
Melancholy with fears
A witness to miracles
And well-deserved tears

I am all these things
Bottled up in one place
You’ll see it’s the truth
If you just look in my face

 2009